Transitions With Jean Blog

Accepting changes we cannot control in life

June 7, 2020

I miss visiting Mom, my sisters and brothers, and my children. I miss my grandchildren. I miss my friends, church, my Kiwanis club members. I miss saying goodbye at the funeral for someone I dearly love. I miss events, service projects, and parties.

I miss business as usual. I miss going out and meeting new customers. I miss the everyday give-and-take of life. I miss you.

I MISS HUGS!

I will admit to feeling angry, frustrated, scared, and anxious. My energy level has gone down. I have been eating more – and none of it is healthy. My husband will perhaps agree that I have been irritable.

Sound familiar? I am not alone.

Here we all are. Change is difficult, but we have really been hit with body-slamming, overwhelming change.

Brené Brown, professor at the University of Houston and author, said, “If you don’t name what you’re feeling, if you don’t own the feelings, and feel them, they will eat you alive.”

This week, I heard someone express it as ‘grieving’. Yes, we have had a major loss.

Tom Zuba, life coach said, “Grief occurs when a dream that we held for our life ends or changes in some way or isn’t going to turn out the way we had hoped.”

Just recognizing it makes me feel a little less alone. We need to give ourselves permission to grieve. I looked for information about loss.

Kübler-Ross stages of grief are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

Here is my take on it.

Denial: How many of us are waiting for everything to go back to “normal”?

Anger: Why me? Why now? This was going to be a great year. Now everything has changed.

Bargaining: If I could go give Mom a big hug (at her quarantined senior community), I promise I will…

Depression: This includes those physical signs listed above; changes in appetite, irritability, headaches…, including feeling that ‘this stinks’ and ‘why bother getting up in the morning?’.

Acceptance: We are going to be OK. We cannot change this, but we can figure out how we will deal with it.

Brown also said: “I believe that you have to walk through vulnerability to get to courage, therefore . . . embrace the suck. I try to be grateful every day and my motto right now is ‘Courage over comfort.’"

I am making my way into the new future. Hopefully, you are too. We cannot fix the social distancing, but we can wear our masks and work around it. I can still visit the kids and grandkids, on-line. On one game of Houseparty with my grandkids, I laughed until I lost my voice. Now, we stop at their house and give air-hugs.

In business and my service club, we’ve been getting creative. Also, I’ve been forcefully dragged into learning technology– and, surprisingly, I have been enjoying it. I Zoom (virtual gathering) with my friends. It is great to see their smiles.

I attended an online memorial service and still shared love and loss with the family.

Tuesday night is happy hours with Mom and the siblings. Virtually. Cheers!






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